Before

When we realized we were meant to be and said our vows we promised that we would be husband and wife until death do us part.We had dated for five years before we were married. We had celebrated our 20th anniversary in the summer.

I am sure we talked about funerals and death but with the idea, we would be old.  In fact, we designed the addition on our home to be handicap accessible for when we may need that or need in-home care. We assumed we would be paying our mortgage until we were in our 80's as we kept refinancing.

Once we had children we purchased life insurance policies.  We had a will drawn up listing who would take care of our children and the finances if something were to happen to both of us at the same time.  With our insurance through our jobs, we bought additional coverage for death and also survivor income assuming that we would pay it but really ever need to use it while we were working. Our income from an in-lieu-of payment was invested to have money for retirement.  Plans to travel and be with our grandchildren were discussed. We added an additional policy in my name through The Knights of Columbus but health issues led Steve to not be eligible.  Through our insurance agent we were able to add a small policy that if the boys were in an accident and wearing their seatbelts, there would be money to help cover funeral expenses.

I know I have somethings that I would like at my funeral: songs, readings etc that I connect with from other people's funerals. I'm not sure Steve ever said these things.  We had joked about him being buried in a truck because he didn't want a lot of money spent on a box that was to be buried.

Discussions were had about how if one of was to die that the other would have to keep on working if the lifestyle we were living was to be continued.  We each had some time built up to be able to take a short leave of absence. I think we planned to attend other funerals long before either of us.

We both had a very strong Catholic Faith.  We attended Mass every Sunday, even when we were out of town, we both prayed for our marriage, each other and our children. We are very involved in our parish and raised our children the same way.  Our oldest starting going to church when he was 6 days old.  We said grace before meals when we ate together.  The church was a second home to us a lot of the time.

Financially and faithfully I was ready to lose him.  Emotionally I am still not ready and it has been 4 months.