What Helped Me Heal and Be Okay (part 7: relationship)

At about the two and a half year point I started thinking about being in a relationship with someone again. I was very scared about how to grieve, continue learning about myself, setting boundaries and following my intuition and about how to go about finding someone that wants to be with a widow and single mom of three teenage boys.

I connected with a friend's brother on Facebook. I asked if he wanted to meet and look for agates. I wasn't sure if it was a date or not. We got together and walked on the beach for three and a half hours. I tried not to talk about Steve too much but that's such a huge part of who I was, it was hard not to. But he knew Steve. He had played hockey with him when they were in middle school. We had all gone to the same church. After our time on the beach we went and had dinner together. He was willing to see me again a couple days later. I then knew it was a date. I felt very comfortable with him and it was very natural. I was super excited to see him again.

We have seen each other most days since. We have now celebrated 9 months together and I'm so in love with him. He allows me to grieve. He's always there when I need someone to talk to or to get a hug. I don't feel that me being a widow or a single mom is an issue. He lets me be who I need to be when I need to be that person. He knows that being a mom comes before him a lot of the times and is very understanding. He accepts that I have a past because he does too. Everything that happened before we got together made us who we are and has allowed us to form this relationship.

I thank God everyday for the time I had with Steve and for the time I now have with Chris. I am so blessed to have two men love me completely and accept who I am.

I told Chris yesterday that I wasn't sure what I would do today or how I would be feeling because it would have been my anniversary. He told me to do whatever I wanted to do. That is the best advice anyone can give another person no matter what the situation is, if they are grieving or not. 

Everyone needs to do what is right for them in the moment. Each person needs to find what works for them to heal. It's okay to not be okay and it's definitely okay to be okay. It is okay to be happy and loving life while still missing the people that have gone to heaven.